The Husbands Of River Song (2015) Christmas Review

"For the last time, Clara, your story arc is over!"

The Husbands Of River Song is a wonderful tribute to the River Song arc... and also a really silly slapstick comedy in space.

PLOT

The Doctor and River are reunited, but due to the timey-wimey, she is unable to recognise his twelfth incarnation. They are under threat by the mad king Hydroflax, who has a diamond lodged in his brain, which River has sold to a coincidentally Hydroflax-obsessed cult on the SS Evil(seriously, a cruise for villains). 

After all that nonsense, the Doctor and River arrive at the Singing Towers on their destined final date and as appropriate on Christmas, she gets a gift... 

ANALYSIS

If you take away the River aspect, I'd say this special is okay. There are many funny lines and the characters are very memorable, but on the whole, it's a bit too ridiculous for its own good. Most of the episode is spent on the Doctor and River running from a killer robot on an evil cruise with a dictator's head in a bag. There's nothing to balance out the vast amount of silliness this episode delivers, no straight man, no quiet moment.

Comedy works best when it's juxtaposed with drama or tragedy, but here, there's very little sense of the Doctor or River being in genuine danger, apart from that scene in the restaurant and even that doesn't make an impact since their attempts at stalling are eyerolling.

In fact, that's the one word I'd use to sum up everything, but the last few minutes of this episode: eyerolling. It's fun and imaginative, but goes too far in making itself "a disposable Christmas escapade". It lacks punch.

CHARACTERS

The Twelfth Doctor and River together at last. I thought it would affect me more than it did. Basically, it's just like the Eleventh Doctor and River, but with a new actor. The dynamic hasn't changed at all. River still does whatever the hell she wants and the Doctor still cleans up the mess. Even their chemistry is pretty much exactly the same.

Hydroflax was a fun concept, but he's nonstop screaming about taking over the world just got on my nerves after a while. They could've done much more with him.

I did really love the robot. He was a cool villain and the way he kept storing heads in his body was pretty darn funny. His come-uppance in the restaurant was perfect(although I wonder how the sounds he makes don't bother anyone. I would certainly be annoyed if he was my waiter).

The funniest character of all was the blue alien on the SS Evil. His polite greediness and attempts to offer the robot the Doctor's head as compensation were hilarious and the highlight of all the whole story. 

NOTES

*THE SONIC SCREWDRIVER OMG OMG OMG! I totally didn't expect that. Really, I thought it was just fan speculation and that the Eleventh had been the one to give her that(I even mentioned it in my Top 10 sonic screwdrivers list on the blog).

*Although, if I could nitpick for a second, I'm not sure where the Twelfth Doctor got the trumped up Tenth Doctor sonic from. Is it the one he kept from the Library, making it a paradox? Or did he just find one of his old sonics and updated it?

*Why was the robot designed to have multiple heads?

*Has anyone else noticed how the Doctor and River always spend their dates talking about their other dates?

*Why was the Doctor where River was? Did the TARDIS direct him there?

*And what the heck are the "holodramatic" antlers she gave him??

*And why couldn't there have been a Wilf reference? Doctor Who, red comedy antlers, how could you not make a Wilf reference?!?

*I loved the "criticised" sign on the TARDIS door. The Twelfth Doctor seems to use a lot of keep out signs.

*Considering that River had a collection of photos from each of the Doctors, I'd love to hear about his adventures with the classic ones. Like, wouldn't you love a book where the Second Doctor and River did something? Especially since, according to The Eternity Clock, River hated that incarnation.

*To misquote Brian Blessed, "THE SONIC SHADES ARE ALIVE!!!"

*How come we never saw the sonic trowel do anything? 

*The new sonic screwdriver is a mixed bag for me: I love the spinny thing, but the design itself is clunky and doesn't look very comfortable to hold. I also think it should've been purple, to differentiate it more and to match it up with the velvet suit.

*When Matt Lucas first introduces the Doctor to River, why does she act so melodramatic?

BEST QUOTE

"I dug you up." - River explaning to the blue guy who she is(an archeologist) and how she knew she was going to win.

CONCLUSION

Pretty forgettable, but the Doctor-River reunion was handled nicely, as was what I presume is the ending to her story. 

A Very Messy Christmas as Baldrick would say. I don't know why I'm making a Blackadder reference, but I can't get it out of my head, so here's a very messy Christmas to you all.