The Horns Of Nimon (1979/1980) Review

'Allo 'Allo!

The Horns Of Nimon is Doctor Who as a carefree cartoon. And I love it. 

WRITTEN BY

Anthony Read, who was the show's script editor during Season 16. Thankfully, the free-spirited nature of his work there seems to cross over. 

PLOT

After being forcibly separated from the Doctor and K-9, Romana is taken to a planet sacrificing slaves to the titular Nimon in exchange for power to dominate the galaxy. Meanwhile, the TARDIS is trapped in the singularity of a black hole, doomed...

ANALYSIS

Whether intentionally or not, this story is a comedy, riffing on the various cliches Doctor Who had generated over the years, such as the OTT villains(personified by the most outrageously fun performance the show has ever seen), the endless corridors, the Doctor's ingenious plans and tinkering, the goofy henchmen, the awful monsters and the classic "villain betrayed by superior villain". I personally don't think it was intentional. I think the stars came together to produce the right actors with the right script with the right production values at the right time to give us this wonderfully preposterous gem. 

There's something for everyone here: there's some great characterisation for drama fans, the nitpickers can point and laugh at the sets and costumes and the comedy is self-explanatory. It reminds me of Steven Moffat's Series 9 opener, as it has the same sort of "how far can we go" mentality, but in a more innocent, palatable way(and of course it doesn't bother making fun of continuity, which is always nice). 

CHARACTERS

Tom Baker could teach classes on how to not care about what he's doing and I mean that in the best way. The amount of effort he puts into not putting an effort is just beautiful. The cliffhanger where he hugs K-9 and announces doomsday has to be seen to be believed. In previous stories, his flippancy often bothered me, but here, it just fits perfectly and adds to the "so bad, it's good" factor. This is the stuff that Mystery Science Theater made its name on.

Lalla Ward puts in a decent performance as Romana, but I'm still not overly attached to her. I miss Mary Tamm's stronger personality and wit. Lalla and Tom work together well, but she's not making a huge impression on me apart from being cute and nice(although in the very final scene, she was adorably oblivious... I hope we get more of that). She also has more screamer tendencies, which I'm not a fan of.

As you might've expected, David Brierley's campier interpretation of K-9 was entirely befitting of the story. There's not really much else to say.

Graham Crowden portrays Soldeed, and he is truly legendary. Easily the zaniest, most psychotic villain ever to grace the show, Soldeed is the ultimate bad guy: he has a moustache, he dies shouting "you're doomed!", he wields a staff, he has a great rapport with the hero, he overestimates his intelligence and even manages to pull off a hilarious sneak-away when nobody is looking(seriously, he stands up and shuffles off-screen in the background, it's awesome).

Soldeed's partner-in-crime and straight man is Sorak, played by Michael Osborne. He's a bit of an idiot, but I loved the way that he and Soldeed both seemed to actually get along with each other. The whole "villain berates henchman" thing has been done to death. These two actually work together, which is a great change.

Seth and Teka are yet ANOTHER Doctor Who wimpy couple, albeit one with a funny gimmick: to save his dignity, Seth lied to her that he is a prince, destined to defeat the Nimon, which Teka completely falls for, to the point where it's pretty much the only thing she talks about, especially when the Nimon IS actually defeated. 

Malcolm Terris memorably portrays the co-pilot of the ship that gets stuck into the black hole. He's kind of like Beast Rabban from the Dune franchise, a brutish thug who constantly blunders into trouble. It's not a big role, but it's just one that stuck with me.

Just about the only serious actor in this story is John Bailey(who previously played Edward Waterfield in the iconic Evil Of The Daleks), who is Sezom, the last survivng member of the Nimon's previously conquered planet. He's kind of like their version of Soldeed(with the staff and everything), except not hammy. I did think he didn't look old enough to be so frail, but hey, I didn't cause the end of my civilisation, so what do I know?

The Nimon themselves look awful, with giant heads that look like helmets(since the faces don't move an inch) and move slowly, waving their hands about. Even their voices are horrible.

NOTES

*At one point, the Doctor mentions phasers and blasters as being among weapons that have been pointed at him. This story may rank high amongst Star Trek and Star Wars fans. No love for stasers, though?

*Lots of TARDIS scenes in this story! I heartily approve. You can never get enough of the TARDIS. I also loved seeing the Doctor dismantle half of it, since I can relate to the mess(you need a map to find things in my bedroom). It's the cosiest the TARDIS has ever been, give or take a 90s movie.

*Maybe I'm being nitpicky, but I'm pretty sure the First Doctor said in The Edge Of Destruction that the TARDIS rotor going all the way up is like super terrible, because it would mean the power below would leak out or something(it was definitely something dramatic). So here the Doctor goes and just TAKES THE WHOLE THING OUT. I do hope he covered the Heart Of The TARDIS with something before he did that. Or maybe he just closed his eyes(yeah, that's what he did).

*There's one particularly awfully directed scene, in which the Nimon attacks the group so slowly that Romana has time to toss Seth the rock he needs to upgrade the staff weapon and explain where he needs to put it and why. 

*Graham Crowden was legitimately picked to be the Fourth Doctor in 1974, but chose not to take the role. I'm sure he would've been a bit more serious than here, but still, the mind boggles.

*The Nimon technology looks so generic... it's more like the stuff the Doctor fiddled about with in UNIT than any alien tech.

*The costume designer completely lost his/her mind whilst this story was being made. Why does Soldeed, a lead scientist with a laboratory wear something similar to a Time Lord robe, may I ask? And why does the chief of military wear wings on his helmets that directly block his peripheral vision??

*K-9's tape returns!! I genuinely thought that was something we wouldn't see post-Invisible Enemy, but no, they brought it back, with a lovely gag and everything(although we didn't get to see it being used as his equivalent of a tongue again, lol).

BEST QUOTE

Truthfully, half of the story should go here, but my absolute favourite is...

"You know K-9, sometimes I think I'm wasted just rushing about the universe saving planets from destruction. With a talent like mine I might have been a great slow bowler." - Tom Baker(let's face it, that's who he is. The Doctor is long gone).

CONCLUSION

Since I do count Shada and will be reviewing it(the Tom Baker version), I can't acknowledge this as the end of the Graham Williams era, however I will say it'd be a classy way to go out. It's the pinnacle of everything I like about this era: the irreverent storytelling, the crazy villains, Tom Baker being weird, great lines, outlandish stories etc.

And so we have finally concluded with the 1970s. Wow. Since Shada is still ahead and that's still in the Williams-Adams era, I don't really feel like it's over yet, but nevertheless, we are one story away from the JNT era and one season away from Peter Davison, at long last. I am so ready for some change. The 70s were probably the peak of the show's creative output, but I've had enough space-time madness to last me a lifetime now. It's time to come back down to Earth for some more reserved stories...