The Five Doctors (1983) Review

"What a splendid photoshoot, isn't it a splendid photoshoot, K-9?"
"A very splendid photoshoot, master."

                             

The Five Doctors is a party of a story, that shamelessly revels in wistful nostalgia with a completely cavalier attitude to internal logic. 

WRITTEN BY

Terrance Dicks, the legend. Possibly the only long-running Who writer without a single flop. Script editor during one of the most respectable eras of the show. The man behind the Second Doctor's regeneration and the Fourth Doctor's introduction. 

PLOT

The Doctor's first four incarnations are scooped out of time and placed into the Death Zone on Gallifrey, shortly followed by the Fifth Doctor, whose very existence is at stake. Scattered in a large arena with many of their old enemies about, the Doctors and their various companions make their way to the Tomb Of Rassilon at the heart of the Zone to uncover the terrible dark secret from the dawn of Gallifreyan history that has led them all there...

ANALYSIS

Objectively speaking, The Five Doctors is not a good story. It is full of production errors, the writing is thinner than a plastic bag and it doesn't really represent 20 years of Doctor Who all that well. 
But what makes it work is the LOVE. This was acted, directed, written, produced, filmed and designed by people who love this show unconditionally and are just here to metaphorically shake its hand. In a unique way, it transcends the normal rules of television by being more about the journey to get here than the endpoint - this special - itself. 

But yeah, it's really crappy. The direction is rudderless(thank God for Peter Howell's musical score and the gorgeous set design!), there are more holes in the plot than in Swiss cheese, the special effects are really goofy and even the acting at times is all over the place! 

On the other hand, Dicks(who once famously had to write a ten-parter in a week) manages to effortlessly juggle Doctors and companions by placing them in a gameboard scenario, thus avoiding an overload of backstory and convoluted plotting. This does leave many of the characters seeming rather bland and replaceable(particularly Turlough and Susan), but I'd say that's an acceptable loss. 

Another major victory for The Five Doctors is in atmosphere. I really like the cold Welsh landscape chosen to represent the Death Zone, as it gives the story a dreary, inhospitable feel(though perhaps not quite as hellish as one would imagine, nor does the Death Zone fit in with any of the previous or subsequent depictions or descriptions of Gallifreyan terrain). 
On the studio side of things, the set for the Tomb Of Rassilon is exquisite, give or take some mathematical formulas pretending to be Old High Gallifreyan, and adds a perfect gothic touch to the final act. 

CHARACTERS

Since most of the companions in this story are largely dispensable, I'll skip them and focus solely on the eponymous Doctors and other Time Lords... 

Richard Hurndall deliberately avoided doing a William Hartnell impersonation(so there's no use in complaining that the two are dissimilar). What we have here is his own unique take on the character. Hurndall plays the Doctor like a cranky schoolmaster, completely confident in his own abilities and experience. Whilst he lacks Hartnell's lovable rascally nature, he makes up for it with sheer entertainment value. 

Patrick Troughton charms the socks off as ever. I'm not sure why the Second Doctor picks a bone with everyone in this story, the sly old dog, but watching him fumble about is easily the highlight of the whole story.

Jon Pertwee seems to be somewhat lacking in energy and left without his old snappy delivery, though his comic timing and authority are still brilliant. Sadly, I must confess he's the least interesting Doctor here. 

Peter Davison is cleverly isolated and highlighted from the other Doctors by having much of his screentime spent on uncovering the truth in the Capitol. His performance is also, in my opinion, the greatest he's given thus far. Coming literally face to face with the past, the Fifth Doctor displays confidence and a wonderfully bubbling irritation towards his other selves. Interestingly, he also carries the same cynicism as his predecessors, something that seems to have become a growing theme with this Doctor after first emerging as a carefree, childlike tourist in time. 

Anthony Ainley continues his self-aware streak from The King's Demons to great success. His motivation in this story is simply superb and leads to a string of cracking scenes, to the point where I found myself wishing for a lighthearted Master spin-off. Big Finish?

Philip Latham gives a spellbinding performance as Borusa. Whilst not really anything like the Tom Baker-era incarnations of the character, his recurring presence since The Deadly Assassin gives the role some depth by default and Dicks really capitalises on that to form a uniquely pragmatic villain not interested in power in itself, but who has become so jaded in his work that he feels the need to serve his planet for all eternity. Borusa's tale is a tragic one and Latham walks the tightrope between over-the-top villainy and a tragic, fallen hero without fault. 

NOTES

*The new TARDIS console looks fabulous.

*In the very first scene, did they forget to dub Tegan's laugh? Because Janet Fielding seems to silently cackle and it's... weird.

*There's an odd moment, where the Doctor takes a look at Turlough's drawing(a nice addition to the character, courtesy of mr. Dicks), then stares warily at the landscape of the Eye Of Orion and then the two share a chuckle. Did I miss something?

*As in The Three Doctors, the First Doctor is picked up from a garden, which makes me think that he just had a breather before being pulled out of time again for another multi-Doctor adventure.

*Whilst I'm not sure it was intentional, I love that they got David Savile from The War Games back as another military man opposite of Patrick Troughton. 

*Why would he not know nothing about the Doctor(the spiritual founder of UNIT) though, seeing as he is the Brigadier's successor? No wonder the Doctor took such an instant dislike to the poor fellow! I hope Crichton featured in some spin-off as compensation.

*Why doesn't Sarah Jane listen to K-9? He's a computer! And since when is she so covered in make-up?

*How can Turlough tell that the Doctor's body is "alright" and that the TARDIS instruments are functioning perfectly?

*Apparently, Gallifrey no longer requires any kind of fanfare. I mean, I guess it was kind of self-explanatory by that point in the 80s, but it would still have been nice to make the High Council's appereance a grandiose moment(I know all about the special edition, but I'm reviewing the original here).

*Susan and Sarah Jane suffer the worst from the interchangeable writing, as they had the most emotional and character-based farewells. The reunion with Susan in particular should've been emphasised. 

*Why does the Death Zone drain so much energy from the Eye Of Harmony as to put the entire planet at risk?

*Sarah Jane's legendary fall must of course receive a special mention. Possibly the worst bit of directing in Doctor Who history.

*Jon Pertwee liked Elisabeth Sladen's "teeth and curls" line so much that he nicked it for himself, now leaving us to ponder over a possible multi-Doctor story with the Third and Fourth Doctors. Get to it, writers!

*I love that they make fun of the "you can make the tea" trope from the 60s in one very hilarious scene.

*Wobbly set alert! The console used by the Castellan to transmat the Master clearly moves as he steps on the platform.

*Anthony Ainley's mildly confused delivery of "These thunderbolts are everywhere" after a laser special effect nearly hits him always makes me laugh.

*"I am the Master, and your loyal servant." Facepalm.

*The use of the scrolls to frame the Castellan is really daft in my opinion. I mean, would he really keep them in his room if he meant to hide them? And then burn them after they've already been discovered?

*Is the Yeti that attacks the Second Doctor and the Brigadier a robot or the real thing(as implied in The Abominable Snowmen? Because it sure doesn't act like the robot ones in any way.

*In the same scene, where is the bright light shining behind the Brigadier coming from? They later explore that part of the cave only to find a locked cave. 

*The fake David Banks used as the Cyber-Leader in the "bomb the TARDIS" scenes is cute.

*For a perfect killing machine, the Raston Warrior Robot sure has a hard time catching the Doctor and Sarah, who, despite the Doctor's warning, seem to be in constant motion.

*How does the Cyber-Leader not notice the Master picking up a gun from his fallen subordinates in plain sight, especially since it was the Master who just killed them?

*Why does Tegan get upset with the Master for destroying the Cybermen? I mean, it was a bit rough, but she's faced them before, she should know there's no saving them.

*By far the best moment in the entire special is the Second Doctor's reaction after facing the phantoms of Jamie and Zoe. He simply moves on, shaking his head and mumbling: "Yes, yes, it's sad..." It speaks volumes.

*The Brigadier accuses the Doctor of leading him astray "on many occasions". Um, when exactly? I honestly can't remember a single time.

*Why doesn't Rassilon just tell Borusa that immortality really sucks, so he'd give up on it?

*Well, it must be asked: how can the Doctors recall the events of The Three Doctors. I have some theories about the Second Doctor below, but the First and Third ones also reference those events. Could it be possible that those errant memories were erased by regeneration? 

*Whilst the Shada clip is completely out of place, it's so charming that I can't fault its inclusion here.

*Why exactly is the Doctor the only one who can succeed Borusa as Lord President? I thought Time Lords were old, dusty figures. Surely any one of them would be more qualified(at least in their eyes) than a figure like the Doctor? Or did the First Doctor impress them so much that they're inclined to forgive his actions time and time again(this would not surprise me... I always thought the First Doctor left Gallifrey to make a political statement and inspire his people to leave their comfort zone.

SECOND DOCTOR'S VISIT TO UNIT HQ

This time around, I'm gonna skip the Continuity Advisor paragraph for obvious reasons, and instead focus on one of the most confusing Doctor Who scenes of all time: the introduction of the Second Doctor in this story. Unless you're into extreme fanwanking, skip this.

It all starts with the Brigadier having a nice drink in UNIT HQ(apparently having regained his mojo between Mawdryn Undead and this), until an aged Second Doctor(we can ignore this since Jon Pertwee looks older too, but it is a factor in the Season 6B theory) makes his presence known and claims that for once, he was able to steer the TARDIS and arrive at the appropriate time. 

1) The Second Doctor piloting the TARDIS on his own is ludicrous. One of the main running themes of 60s Doctor Who was the Doctor's complete and utter inability to take the TARDIS where he wanted it to go, hence why he called the Time Lords to help send all the soldiers back to their time zones in The War Games.  

The Doctor continues to explain that he read about the Brigadier's upcoming speech and is here as the guest of honor. The two then banter some more and go outside for a walk after the Doctor's done criticising the decor of UNIT HQ.

2) Even supposing that he just happened to pick up a newspaper that mentioned Lethbridge-Stewart's name, why would this incarnation care? I mean, he's only met the man thrice and purely on professional terms. Frankly, the Second Doctor would find it boring.
3) The Second Doctor has only been in UNIT HQ once... in The Three Doctors. This and later lines would make it crystal clear that he at least does remember the events of that story. With the other incarnations, it's implied. 

And then the Doctor namedrops "the Terrible Zodin" and suddenly says "they were covered in hair and used to hop like kangaroos". 

4) This was apparently Patrick Troughton ad-libbing, but still... what on earth is he talking about?

Suddenly, out of the blue, the Doctor announces that he's bending the rules of time and must leave with haste.

5) Why bend the rules of time at all if his later incarnations could easily show up to that speech?
6) Shouldn't this incarnation be terribly afraid of the Time Lords' intervention? You'd think they'd notice this sort of thing. 
7) Why this sudden urge to leave? What about the speech? 

Now, let's take into account the Jamie and Zoe scene and the Season 6B theory(in case you're unfamiliar, it suggests that the Second Doctor did not regenerate at the end of The War Games and had a number of Time Lord-affiliated adventures in a controlled TARDIS after that).

If the Doctor was indeed working with the Time Lords during this time period...
1) Seriously, why visit the Brigadier?
2) It still doesn't explain his sudden hurry to leave or the nonsense about kangaroos.
3) How did he even manage to show up anyway? Wouldn't he be either on some mission or Gallifrey? Unless he's on vacation or something , in which case, I refer you to my original question. 

BEST QUOTE

"A man is the sum of his memories, you know, a Time Lord even more so." - The Fifth Doctor about his dissolving timeline.

CONCLUSION

So here we are again... back where it all started. Three and a half years ago, this was the first proper classic story that I watched. So it's only appropriate that I close this review with the same words I used back then: "Classic Who for the win."