Frontios (1984) Review

That's how we're all gonna look when the inevitable Citizen Kane
remake is announced.

Ever heard of the phrase "show, don't tell"? Frontios has not.

WRITTEN BY

Christopher H. Bidmead, script editor during season 18 and writer of a pair of utterly unique whoppers: Logopolis and Castrovalva. Thank heavens he didn't write any more "regular" adventures, because it's really not his thing.

PLOT

The TARDIS is pulled down to Frontios, one of the last human colonies in history. Despite treading against Time Lord law, the Doctor is compelled to offer them his services. Nevertheless, he is mistaken for a faceless enemy, condemned to die unless he... investigate the faceless enemy.
Said enemies are revealed to be bored snails who want to pilot the planet around the universe(what's left of it).

ANALYSIS

Frontios may not be technically as bad as some other Doctor Who stories I've reviewed, but I abhorred it. It throws everything and the kitchen sink at the viewer, but all of it in exposition. Most of the runtime is spent on wandering around dark caves or listening to the absolute worst base commander ever ramble on about how everyone's a traitor.

At least with Bidmead's other stories, he had certain things listed that had to happen. Logopolis needed to build up to the Fourth Doctor's regeneration. Castrovalva needed to establish the Fifth Doctor. Both also had languid pacing, but it came across more as a stylistic choice and a scriptwriting quirk. Here, we have Bidmead's "concept over storytelling" approach at its worst. A colony at the end of the universe. Bored snails. The TARDIS destroyed. These are just things that exist inside this meaningless soup.

I'm not all too impressed productionwise either. The colony looks like an old, cluttered warehouse(I get that it's meant to show decay, but a good set designer could've accomplished that by showing signs that the colony once had actual life in it, which I certainly don't see here). The caves look better, but we see them far too often. And the Tractators look worse than the Zarbi.

Fortunately, Paddy Kingsland did the score, which is lovely(I love it when he gets a beat going!).

CHARACTERS

In contrast with the disastrous plotting, Bidmead does a marvellous job writing for not just the Doctor that he himself helped devise, but also the two companions he's acquired since then.

Peter Davison gives his best performance in the role thus far, easily. Bidmead scripts him with subtle eccentricity and tired cynicism. This being exactly what Davison has aimed for, he revels in the chance to have a bit of fun playing the role. It's interesting to see how the Fifth Doctor has evolved from a childlike, innocent cricket-loving explorer to a slightly bitter, teenage adventurer.

Taking advantage of Turlough's alien nature was a very smart decision and whilst his personal history with the Tractators never really comes into play, it does give Mark Strickson a bone to chew on, so to speak. We also get a bit of character development for Turlough, as he finally embraces bravery(with a healthy dose of wits).

In comparison, Tegan doesn't really have that much to do, but Janet Fielding does a perfectly solid job as always and she makes for an excellent punchline to many of Davison's jokes.

Jeff Rawle(Amos Diggory in Harry Potter 4 FYI) portrays Plantagenet, the young leader of Frontios trying desperately to inspire his downtrodden people. The name and his goal suggests that Rawle's theatrical performance throughout was intentional, though it would've been nice to see it break down at some point.

Peter Gilmore's Brazen is the most intolerably thick-headed base commander(well, technically not commander, but still a military leader!) this show has ever had. Unlike most, he doesn't even improve over the course of the serial, but constantly accuses everyone around him of abetting "the enemy". The lowest point was when he berated Range for hiding information, only to backpedal and say the information would've been useless and socially insensitive. And then we find out that he himself has been hiding facts! He is my least favourite character in Doctor Who history, no contest.

William Lucas and Lesley Dunlop(who has what can only be described as a "MacGyver mullet") both give strong, invested performances as Range and Norna, respectively, and though they don't have many scenes together, they are very charming as father and daughter.

NOTES

*Beginning on a morbid note, actor Peter Arne(who was originally cast as Mr. Range) was murdered on the same day that he attended a costume fitting for the serial.

*The editing in the opening is quite amateurish, cutting from dust falling from the cave ceiling to a man trapped under rubble. I guess styrofoam rocks don't make a sound upon falling.

*Apparently, the Time Lords have rules about not visiting the extreme ends of history, for some reason and the Doctor is adamant that if the Time Lords should find out that he visited Frontios, it would get him into a lot of trouble.

*Once again we must deal with convenient deafness syndrome, as Brazen is quite happy to chat about the colony's doom... once he's stepped a few feet away from the guards, of course(this happens more than once). Same with the Doctor and Tegan, who are actually shouting in echo-ey caves whilst supposedly hiding from the Tractators.

*Here's a question for both this story and The Web Planet: how can a mere gravity beam pull down the TARDIS? Especially since it appears to be still inside the Time Vortex?

*I don't know where they pulled them out again after two years, but I'm glad to see Davison's charming half-moon specs again!

*Okay, I understand that the colony is paranoid about the prospect of being invaded, but in what way do the TARDIS crew look like any sort of an attack force?

*What's with all the fuss about the battery acid? Supposedly, Norna has permission to go to where it is, but they need to hide from guards on the way there, and sneak out with the acid. And once they do get it, nobody(not even Brazen) complains!

*Speaking of that sequence, apparently there was a deleted scene where they were spotted by Cockerill, but it was cut, leaving Cockerill's late inclusion in the actual story a bit strange.

*What on Earth actually happened to the TARDIS? Is this another example of the Hostile Action Displacement System?

*Why does the Doctor think the TARDIS has been destroyed, and why are he, Tegan and Turlough so unaffected by it?

*I understand Tegan is curious, but trying to break into Range's cabinet(just to read a document she carelessly dropped in there) whilst the man is nearby is more than a little silly.

*Captain Revere never giving reasons for his actions is downright idiotic. Doesn't he report to superiors?

*What is it with people abandoning each other in this story? First Tegan runs off, leaving Range behind, then after she comes back with Turlough, she runs off AGAIN, shortly followed by Range, who ditches Norna.

*Okay, I don't get this logic: because the Tractators are creating an elaborate set of tunnels, they have abstract, advanced powers of reasoning? Don't loads of insects create elaborate, geometrically precise tunnels?

*I'm sure this has been asked in every review of Frontios ever, but why does the Gravis have a nose whilst the other Tractators do not?

*Who is the Gravis anyway? Apparently, the Tractators are humble creatures without him, but he is clearly a part of their race. And why does he collapse into a coma when he's away from them? How is he supposed to survive on another planet when he's in a coma?

*What's the spaghetti in the Tractators' mouths supposed to represent?

*Apparently, at the end of history, there is only one Doctor, as the Tractators immediately
guess he's the one from Gallifrey. And yet, for some reason they're also confused that he has a TARDIS. Go figure that one out.

*The Doctor mocking Tegan's quirks by pretending that she's a loyal android was absolutely hilarious.

*Not sure what makes the rebels think that Cockerill's the man to save the planet. I mean, the only notable thing he did was not get sucked into the ground. That equals leadership?

*What drew Turlough towards the Tractators' machine? Another memory? And why can't they tear Brazen off of it like they did with Plantagenet less than a minute ago?

*When Tegan flees from the Tractators into the TARDIS, why does she just calmly chat with the Doctor instead of shouting, oh, I dunno... "DOCTOR! THE TRACTATORS ARE RIGHT BEHIND ME!!"

*And why didn't the Doctor go retrieve Tegan when she fell behind in the tunnels?

*The cliffhanger to this story is very interesting, and actually more like the Hartnell era as opposed to the early inane references to the previous adventure at the start of each story.

CONTINUITY ADVISOR

1) Not really a reference, but Turlough chooses not to be a coward the same way the Doctor
made a decision in The Awakening: by playing "which hand has the item". And like the Doctor, it makes no sense since he rigs the game. I will never understand this era's love of rigging fate.

2) The Doctor reveals to the Gravis that Gallifrey operates on a strict policy of non-intervention these days, which was established in The War Games. I find it interesting as it suggests that the Tractators predate the Doctor himself.

3) The concept of driving around a planet is of course familiar to everyone who's seen The Dalek Invasion Of Earth. And it was a lot more interesting there.

BEST QUOTE

"I can't see it! There's a WALL!" Turlough shouts in mental anguish, whilst staring at a wall.

CONCLUSION

Soulcrushingly average.