Attack Of The Cybermen (1985) Review

Looks like he's performing Shakespeare, but instead of the famous skull... well...

Attack Of The Cybermen is tediously overplotted, but well paced and with a fun, memorable cast.

WRITTEN BY

Eric Saward. Or Ian Levine. Or both. Or neither. Probably Steven Moffat.

PLOT

With a timeship at their disposal, the Cybermen intend to prevent Mondas' destruction. Learning this, the natives of Telos call for the mercenary Lytton to stop them whilst the Doctor and Peri also poke their nose in.

ANALYSIS

What prevents Attack from being a true classic is that the plot is thicker than melted cheese. There's a staggering amount of subplots and ideas being bounced around that often even contradict one another in logic(best example being Lytton trying to simultaneously hide and send out a distress call that also is supposedly tied to the Time Lords, I mean wtf?).

It's directed by Matthew Robinson, the man behind the camera on Resurrection Of The Daleks, and he is likewise one of the saving graces here, delivering a cinematic-looking and atmospheric serial. I particularly loved the use of close-ups when Lytton and Griffiths run into Stratton and Bates.

But the main reason to watch is that Attack is full of likable characters and good banter. I'm not surprised Eric Saward was reportedly bored with the Sixth Doctor and Peri when he had these people in his mind.

Of course, I can't do this review without mentioning how famous this story is for its use of continuity references, which admittedly do get a little obnoxious. You can say all you want about Series 9, but at least it didn't act like The Tenth Planet was aired a year or two ago. But more on that below.

CHARACTERS

Colin Baker really grated on me in this story, which isn't a good sign. I guess his buffoonish, over the top personality doesn't translate well to what's actually trying to be a decent story, not some bizarro experiment. But yeah, I just found myself wishing he'd stop wasting time chewing the scenery and got on with it.

Same goes for Nicola Bryant, who could've saved some of the dialogue with softer acting, but just makes the duo look unbearable as she whines and cries about everything. These two are not a good combination. If you have a sensitive companion, don't pair her up with a childish loony. And if she's supposed to be some kind of cowgirl like in Planet Of Fire, write her more confidently.

Now that that unpleasantness is out of the way, let's talk about Lytton, who could only be smoother if he was played by Sean Connery. Maurice Colbourne is simply awesome in this role, and thankfully he's given much more to do here than in Resurrection. He even gets his own band of likable sidekicks to verbally abuse with razor sharp oneliners. Some people complain about his last-minute redemption, but I think his final words: "I kept my word..." confirms it well enough.

My favourite of these sidekicks is Bruce Glover's(who was in Alien 3!) Griffiths, a grumpy muscleman who just wants to wear comfortable shoes. He's so down to earth that you constantly forget that he's part of a diamond robbery and just want to hug the guy. Shame he couldn't have stayed as a companion.

Terry Molloy has the rather thankless role as cop Russell, only worth mentioning because of how unlike he is from his famous role as Davros. He looks like a wimp here!

Then there are Jonathan David and especially Michael Attwell as Stratton and Bates, respectively. A really funny duo, combining the hapless and very British Stratton with the infinitely bitter Bates(who looks like Joey from Friends). Apparently, Attwell also portrayed an Ice Warrior in The Ice Warriors and a Goblin in David Bowie's weird Labyrinth movie.

Rather bizarrely, Michael Kilgarriff reprises his role as the Cyber-Controller(akin to rehiring the original Dalek operators), which I don't actually mind. He was clearly available and he's a good actor, so why not?
More notable is the reuse of the excellent David Banks as the Cyberleader who gets to be as cool as ever. Please bring him back already.

As for the Cryons... well, I like the idea of a female-oriented race, but... no. Just no.

NOTES

*London has the driest sewers I've ever seen.

*Apparently, the Cybermen POV is a blue-yellow pixelated mess. No wonder their peripheral vision is so bad.

*Leaving aside the cheap sonic screwdriver fill-in, is it really wise to repair the TARDIS... with a lance?

*I love how Peri's supposed to be casually eating an apple, but seems to be on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

*Lytton's theme is kick-ass.

*Apparently 80s was biiiig on sideburns.

*What's up with the comedy music when the creepy policemen from Resurrection appear? Why do they never speak and why does Peri never question it? Why don't they help Lytton? And are those the same actors?

*What's up with the "organised a surprise party and forgotten who it's for" line, I don't get it.

*From what I understand, Jamie is a female name in America, so what gets Peri so riled up about it?

*I run just like Peri, but at least she has the excuse of high heels- wait  why does she have high heels? So the Doctor could carry her around some more a la Caves Of Androzani?

*That pink number she's wearing though... positively a feast on the optic nerves.

*Okay, I have to ask, what is so darned clever about bouncing the distress signal around and giving your rescuers a headache?

*Colin's scuffle with the cop would've been hilarious if stuff had been flying out of that hole like in a Looney Tunes cartoon.

*Apparently, the show noticed that Colbourne and Glover were comedy gold, because it cuts away from Stratton and Bates' dramatic escape simply to them bantering, and then back again.

*Why is the Cyber-Controller surprised that his men located Stratton and Bates fast. Can a Cyberman even be surprised?

*Why did it take the Cyber-Leader's men the whole episode to locate the TARDIS above the sewers?

*What's up with the Doctor leaving his sonic in the Cyberscout's chest unit and Lytton immediately surmising it's him(the Fifth Doctor didn't even carry a sonic, for pete's sake)?

*So the TARDIS console decides to spark right when Peri was about to shut the door on the Cybermen, eh? More Time Lord influence?

*Why do the Cybermen keep their word about not harming Peri? I thought promises to aliens had no validity.

*Couldn't the Doctor have piloted the TARDIS to Telos in a different point in time and thus keep his word about heading to Telos?

*Why does Lytton think that Cryon technology was involved in building the Cyber-Tombs? Surely cold weather is all you need. Heck, why couldn't they be hidden in an asteroid or something?

*I do love that the Sixth Doctor is left clueless about the beloved 60s trope of driving planets around in space.

*How did Lytton even find out about Bates and Stratton, much less pop out of  hatch right next to them?

*What are these "SVPs" that the Cyber-Controller ordered destroyed?

*Even if the Cybermen destroy Earth, there's still that tiny problem of Mondas being completely power-drained, how are they going to fix that??

*I like the use of Halley's Comet in this story. It's topical and also makes perfect sense within the story.

*So how exactly did the Time Lords involve the Doctor in all this? Where they the ones who caused the TARDIS to malfunction at the start(and the Doctor in fact was not planning to take Peri to Earth?)

*This story seems to defy the theory that the Cybermen also evolved on Telos.

*Why are the Cryons willing to sacrifice the last few remaining survivors of their race to save Earth?

*I can sort of buy the Cybermen leaving the Doctor with the frozen vastial, but his sonic? Nope.

*Here's a big one: why didn't Lytton enlist the Doctor to help him the minute they reunited?

*When Stratton first puts on the Cyber-helmet, it looks terrible. Because it was a broken, cobbled-together mess. Later on however, he looks like a model Cyberman!

CONTINUITY ADVISOR

1) The Doctor randomly decides to repair the chameleon circuit(first time named as such?), having broken it in the very first episode. Aside from a mildly amusing running gag, it's completely pointless.

2) The events of The Twin Dilemma are briefly referred to, such as the Doctor's regeneration crisis and the bleakness of Jaconda, which I think were pretty understandable ties, although not vital(especially for Big Finish writers trying to squeeze in adventures).

3) The TARDIS lands in the scrapyard from An Unearthly Child cause... that was a thing once. Why was this here???

4) The Doctor mistakes Peri for Tegan, Zoe, Susan and Jamie(lol, should bring that up when they meet) and even the Terrible Zodin, whom the Second Doctor claimed to have encountered once. Point. Less. So much pointless. All the pointless.

5) The Doctor's previous encounter with the Cyber-Controller in Tomb Of The Cybermen is referred to repeatedly, which I don't really mind seeing as it is the character's big comeback. Although it could've just been another Cyber-Controller though.

6) When describing Lytton, the Doctor mentions that he used to be a member of the Dalek Task Force along with his policeman fellows. It's also revealed that he's been stranded on Earth since Resurrection Of The Daleks. Nobody but him would understand the reference, so why bring it up except to remind the viewer that they've seen Lytton before?

7) The most infamous of all... the Cybermen's big plan of the day is to change history and prevent Mondas' destruction in The Tenth Planet... I mean, they do explain it adequately enough, but it still just feels... wrong.

BEST QUOTE

"Like you, this planet... really depresses me." - Bates to a confused Stratton. Love that biting sarcasm.

CONCLUSION

If you can get past the avalanche of exposition and motives, it's a nice adventure.