Dragonfire (1987) Review

WHOA WHOA WHAT THE FUCK
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK

Dragonfire is full of promising concepts, but fails to live up to any of them and showcases a phenomenal lack of effort from the whole production.

WRITTEN BY

Ian Briggs. Shame his first effort got botched, looking forward to the second.

PLOT

The Doctor and Mel land on the colony of Iceworld to look for a dragon, only to run into their old "pal", Sabalom Glitz, who is in trouble with money as usual. Helping each other out, they join forces to locate a treasure guarded by said dragon alongside the trapped delinquent Ace from 1980s Britain.

ANALYSIS

I'm not really sure why, but this story stinks of apathy. The sets are endlessly repeated(where's Peri and her catchphrase when you need her?) and shot flatly, the acting is largely abysmal, the cool quest idea is just wasted, nothing the characters do seems to make any logical sense and the villain is a blatant rip-off of Mr. Freeze from Batman(except instead of Arnold Schwarzenegger, we get some doofus with a stick up his backside).

It's a damn shame, because I was really digging the concepts here: a fantasy style adventure, complete with a great gang of witty characters and a totally alien world to explore? Sign me up, please. Alas, it's nothing more than a mildly entertaining runaround. At least Terror Of The Vervoids, dumb and tacky as it was as well, stuck with the murder mystery premise all the way through.

CHARACTERS

Ahh, Sylvester. The shining beacon of hope for this series right now. I don't care how much he pratfalls or miscalculates the distance between him and the cliff below, I adore him. In all the quieter scenes, he utterly nails the melancholy alien charm of the Doctor. And I could watch him tumble about all day. It's exactly the kind of cheerful slapstick that I missed during the terribly tone deaf season 22.

Christ, Bonnie Langford is leaving, now I have to talk about Mel? Well, she was kinda alright with the Sixth Doctor(her enthusiasm tempered his barbs), but immediately became bland and boring after his regeneration. Poor Glitz.

Indeed, poor Glitz, as his character is pretty much reduced to a tag-along buffoon, less threatening than an Ewok. It doesn't help that Selby phones it in, in the performance equivalent of a onenight stand. Bet Ace could tell a story or two about that, ehh? Honestly, the image of those two together... yikes.

Oh yeah, Ace. Sophie Aldred's rather rubbish too, acting like she's in a show for four-year olds. But to be honest, much of it is Briggs' fault(her dialogue has to be heard to be believed).

Edward Peel and Patricia Quinn are the highlights of the story as Mr. Freeze- I mean KANE and Belasz, whose acting, whilst a bit all over the place(this is the season of high camp after all), did at least effectively convey what a terrible, megalomaniac person Kane(and probably his late wife as well) was, and how Belasz had been tormented as his slave.

NOTES

*Why do the Doctor and Glitz constantly ask Mel and Ace to stay behind? It seriously started to get on my nerves.

*So, Glitz and Mel, huh? Five grotzits says that Glitz sold her at the earliest oppurtunity.

*After disembarking from Svartos, Iceworld bears an uncanny resemblance to Atlantis from the Stargate franchise.

*At first, I was confused as to why Glitz would so easily accept the Doctor's regeneration, but then I remembered that he knew all about the Time Lords. Only now my question would be why he questioned it at all then(maybe he only knew about regeneration vaguely)?

*What idiot designed Kane's prison?

*And how did Kane turn it into a freezer mall, or whatever it is?

*Lesson of the day folks: if you're bored with life, build a bomb and it will whisk you off in a time storm.

*I love how Kane blathers on about the beauty of his wife's monument, even if it is actually a pretty bland statue. And why make it of ice, anyway?

*Whilst the writing lets them all down, I do like that the Seventh Doctor builds up a little gang of companions in this story. They do have natural chemistry and I almost kind of wish that Glitz and Mel had stayed on the TARDIS for better stories to come.

CONTINUITY ADVISOR

1) Glitz notes that the Doctor has regenerated since they last met. Obviously needed.

BEST QUOTE

"That's right, yes, you're going. Been gone for ages. Already gone, still here, just arrived, haven't even met you yet. It all depends on who you are and how you look at it. Strange business, time." - Best Seventh Doctor quote so far, I adore it and I love that McCoy insisted on its inclusion from the audition scripts.

CONCLUSION

Flat soda.