Scream Of The Shalka (2003) Christmas Review

"Shouldn't we be wearing Santa hats as is tradition on this website
during Christmas reviews?"
"Err... it's not canon, so no! No, it's not like the guy running this blog
just couldn't be bothered to draw them on in that
infernal paint program or anything. Hehe..."
*phew*

Scream Of The Shalka is an awesome pilot for a rebooted Doctor Who series, and though it never went anywhere, also holds up superbly as an excellent adventure in its own right. 

WRITTEN BY

Paul Cornell, a Doctor Who novelist who later went on to write Father's Day and adapt his novel Human Nature into a Tenth Doctor two-parter. His writing here is as impeccable as ever.

PLOT

Directed to 2003 Earth by mysterious forces(presumably the Time Lords), the Doctor and his now-enslaved robot companion version of the Master have to save the Earth from being overrun and ravaged by the Shalka Confederacy, an empire of advanced creatures who control and thrive on all the dead worlds in the universe. 

ANALYSIS

As a pilot for a new series, Scream Of The Shalka works on every level. It introduces a Doctor who's distinct from previous incarnations, teases us with backstory about the Doctor's past that should interest newcomers and also entice older fans, introduces a new companion with a thirst for seeing the universe and sets the Doctor against a compelling foe. It does basically everything that Russell T. Davies' Rose did two years later, just in a different way and in some cases, even better. 

The only thing really holding the story back is the animation, which is passable, but lackluster. The ambitious script was clearly taxing on the animators' limited budget and it shows onscreen. Still better than having no visuals at all, however. 

CHARACTERS

I really like Richard E. Grant as the alternate Ninth Doctor. Like Eccleston's Doctor, he's suffered through a traumatic event and become more closed off, self-dependent and cynical as a result, but he maintains the aristocratic side of the character. On a personal level, I love that this Doctor has a fondness for singing. 

Sir Derek Jacobi as the Master... mwuah! I just adore the idea of making him the new K-9. Not only is it the first original thing done with the Master since The Deadly Assassin, but it doesn't rob the character of either his integrity nor his menace whatsoever. He is still very clearly looking out for himself, but right now, his interests align with the Doctor's, to the point where he entices Alison to stay on the TARDIS to improve the Doctor's mental state. There are so many places this plot development could have gone too and I must applaud Cornell for the idea even if it was ultimately abandoned.

Diana Quick is terrific as Prime, the head of the Confederacy, and her design is my favourite part of the animation(she looks haughty and old). She is arrogant and dismissive of the Doctor and Earth, but not because of the usual "because we're alien monsters" reason, but because the Shalka are actually powerful enough to see even the TARDIS as a toy. They see right through the Doctor's character and can think one step ahead, making them an impressive and memorable villain for him to go up against and it's all carried through Quick's performance, which carries age, supreme knowledge and absolute confidence. 

Jim Norton and Conor Maloney are alright as Major Kennet and Greaves, respectively. They're not very complex characters, but Cornell does at the very least make sure that they're not copies of previous UNIT characters. Kennet is a sort of old codger, who initially criticises the Doctor's attitude towards the military, but comes around later on and Greaves holds a bitter(though mostly played for laughs) grudge against him for ordering his men around.
Greaves' scenes are also an excellent example of how this incarnation of the Doctor doesn't tolerate foolish humans blundering around and not listening to him(remember, Cornell also wrote Father's Day where the Doctor threatens to leave Rose after she disobeys him and damages the timeline), which I applaud whole-heartedly after the mess that was the Twelfth Doctor and Clara. 

Sophie Okonedo is quite likable as Alison Cheney. Not much is revealed about Cheney's home life apart from her boredom and attachment to her boyfriend Joe(which, for some reason prevented her from finishing her history degree). I feel like if there's one flaw in the story, it's that Cheney and Joe(Craig Kelly) aren't fleshed out enough. We never really get an understanding of why these two are together or why Joe is such a huge influence on Alison despite seeming like a quiet guy. 

NOTES

*The intro is a shabby copy of the Pertwee one. Just shameful. And this rendition of the Doctor Who theme is meh.

*What were those two nerds even doing out there when the meteor crashed? Seemed kind of convenient that they were just there.

*The one with the glasses was a real genius too, trying to grab a space worm not three minutes after the meteor crashed into the ground. I mean, leaving aside alien + bug diseases + Alien the movie, wouldn't it be scalding hot from the crash? And, you know, swimming around in lava?

*One of the worst moments for the animation was trying to show the two nerds running away, but getting stuck. Mainly because it doesn't show them running away at all. 

*Hah! The TARDIS locks with a car lock. I wonder if RTD referenced this in The End Of Time.

*I love that the TARDIS phone is now a blue cell phone. 

*And speaking of the TARDIS, I must say I really like the Grant Doctor's console room, it's quite similar to the 2005 version, and the spiral staircase is really neat touch. I love the sound and look of the doors too. Just about the only naff thing are all the dials and clocks(?) on the console, they're a bit cartoony.

*The Doctor's apparently met Lon Chaney, and I really want a Doctor Who story set around the production of a horror movie now.

*Grant's Doctor being a wine connoisseur is really cool.

*Is the "rats have discovered the delights of the D'Oyly Carte" line supposed to signify that the rats were all inside watching opera? If so, what an obscure joke. Well, I say obscure, I'm not from the UK...

*I think it's a bit irresponsible for the Doctor to want to leave after merely stunning the Shalka. Can he really rely on UNIT to sort them out? Interestingly enough, Kennet later has to go as far as  blackmail the Doctor to stay and help them.

*Apparently, the Secretary-General of the UN can recognise this Doctor by his voice alone, which I think implies that he relies on UNIT's services quite often. It's another interesting touch to this alternate reality.

*Unfortunately, even Grant's version of the Doctor sees guns as kryptonite for some reason. Mate, it's not gonna burn your fingers off with sin if you just keep one in your pocket to maybe scare off potential baddies or shoot holes into alien computers. YOU pull the trigger that kills people. That's when you're being evil, not just holding a piece of equipment that could potentially harm others. 

*Apparently, Grant's Doctor can locate the TARDIS through some alien sixth sense, which I don't think any other Doctor has done, but I could be wrong.

*I love that the Doctor's answering machine(yeah, he's got one of those) has a recording of the Doctor being drunk with a lady friend. Yeah, got nothing else to say here, it's just really funny. Cornell was clearly taking cues from Big Finish and McGann as far as the Doctor's romantic side was concerned.

*"As the actress said to the bishop: I'm not a human and I don't care" is such a brilliant non sequitur that I had to mention it. This story is very quotable.

*I know the Doctor is known for cluttered pockets, but why does Grant's version carry around an inhaler? Was his previous companion asthmatic, maybe? 

*The whole scene where the Doctor is trapped in the black hole and tries to fix his phone's low battery to transmit his final words is a work of art.

*I'm not really sure how the Doctor summoning the TARDIS via his phone and sonic is supposed to work, but it still makes more sense than Pertwee and McCoy's transmutational skills(aka pulling things out of literally thin air)

*In a very peculiar scene, the Doctor and the Master argue over whether or not to abandon Alison to the Shalka, and ultimately, the Doctor does. Which is just out of character. I get that she might have been dead and all, and this Doctor is all closed off and unwilling to travel with someone, but come on.

*Why do the UNIT soldiers keep firing their rifles into the air even long after Graeves tells them to stop? Were they supposed to be affected by the Shalka too? If so, why aren't Greaves(who briefly was earlier on, and so would be the most eligible) or Kennet?

*Why did the Doctor drop unconscious for a second when he took the Shalka parasite out of Alison? Was he just trolling her?

*"I am the Master, and you will... come to like me when you know me, miss Cheney." Hahahahaha!

*Most Who writers name-drop Houdini. Paul Cornell? Gaudi, the Spanish architect and maker of string models.

*Whilst I appreciate Cornell's efforts in making the Shalka as intimidating as possible, implying that they control 80% of the universe is kind of much, no? I mean, it leaves a gigantic hanging thread after their Earth invasion has been fended off. 

*I really hate the Doctor's decision to not let Alison fix the Earth's pollution. It's the same as that dimwit from Time And The Rani pouring the medicine onto the ground because "we fix our own issues". Like, people are gonna get hurt because of it! Pull your head out of your arse and just let them help. How many times in the Pertwee era did the Doctor save Earth from its own stupidity rather than just let them deal with their own problems?

*The TARDIS has a... zeppelin hangar? Seriously?

*Why doesn't Joe go time-travelling? What is it with these dull boyfriends who don't want to go TIME TRAVELLING?!?!

*I am kind of curious about what sort of exile the Doctor was in. I mean, the obvious answer is 'from the Time Lords', but if so, why is he still compelled to follow their orders? Or is this a Season 6B kind of deal, where they have a hold over his TARDIS and he has to do what they say?

BEST QUOTE

"So many answers to that... but no, no interest in giving them." - The Grant Doctor basically summing up his modus operandi, and it's one that I dearly wish the show returned to in current times.

CONCLUSION

Um, Big Finish continuation? Pretty please?