Timelash (1985) Review

Jon Pertwee's enthusiasm for the Sixth Doctor era matches mine.

Timelash is a campy, mediocre little thing with a few fun ideas scattered about.

WRITTEN BY

Glen McCoy, who has the most unremarkable career ever(writes business books). His only other contribution to Doctor Who is an entry in the Big Finish Short Trips series called The Centenarian, from 2006.

PLOT

The Doctor returns to a previously visited planet to find a dictatorial regime has taken over, headed by the mysterious, isolated Borad. Forced to retrieve a vital amulet through the time corridor used to exile wrongdoers, he ends up in 12th century Scotland, and ends up recruiting H. G. Wells to help him save Karfel...

ANALYSIS

Timelash makes very little narrative sense, but it's hard to say it's boring with so much going on. Time corridors, Paul Darrow, Third Doctor references, Paul Darrow, sock puppets, Paul Darrow...

The direction is solid, the acting varied(from bland - most of the Karfel folks - to sublime - Darrow, Denis Carey, Robert Ashby), the effects... well, we've seen worse. To tell the truth, the script is the only thing here that's all over the map, with some really bizarre story choices.

Unfortunately, it doesn't go all out into Horns Of Nimon territory, so you're left with a story that kinda half-heartedly wants to be taken seriously, but then throws its hands in the air by the time Herbert shows up to exorcise the Doctor(comedy gold). If it went balls to the wall, at least it'd be memorable, but the entertaining scenes are strung together by the straight Karfel-focused scenes, so it all comes across a bit half-hearted and weird.

CHARACTERS

My patience with Colin Baker's Sixth Doctor has run out. His OTT shtick was fun for the first 20 or so minutes of his era, then sometimes he has sweet Shakespearean monologues that show the character's potential, but most of the time, he remains an unbearable ham. And it isn't all a matter of writing, Colin unashamedly chews the scenery more than Tom Baker and David Tennant combined.
As a result, I'm unable to get invested in the character, because it feels like a pantomime. Maybe I'd be more open to his portrayal if I watched one of his stories in-between other Doctors, but going through his era is incredibly tiresome at this point.

Peri screams, complains, points out the set reuse for various corridors and nearly gets raped. As always. Her character is awful with the Sixth Doctor.

Paul Darrow is spectacular as the initially unassuming Tekker, who squirms his way into power. Every word drips with evil glee of the most theatrical sort(without overexaggerated physical acting like Colin). Apparently, this was Darrow's payback for a similarly memorable performance given by Colin on his show, Blake's 7(I dread to imagine).

Denis Carey has a natural charisma, even if he is completely wasted in the role of an android. I'm just happy to see him, to remember the lovable professor Chronotis from Shada.
Fortunately, Robert Ashby gets a lot more to do in the role of the Borad, and he's one of the few actors taking the material seriously(even if it isn't worth it), and plays the character as being demented in a quiet, shy fashion. So, basically Sherez Jak without the gimp suit.

And finally, there's David Chandler, and I can't decide whether he's terrible or an acting genius. He is painfully earnest the entire story, and an awesome sidekick to the Sixth Doctor whilst being the wettest guy you could imagine(okay, he's not Adric, but still). Herbert is, quite simply, a paradox of a performance.

NOTES

*80s stories have this irritating tendency to cut from vital scenes to short chunks of trivial TARDIS scenes, and then back again. It's especially horrible here, when we have action scenes interspersed with like 10 seconds of 6/Peri squabbling every now and again.

*To say something good about Colin Baker, the scene where he waxes lyrical about the Andromeda constellation is truly wonderfully acted, and one of his most Doctorish moments to date.

*When did the Doctor get a golden bird-shaped lectern(a question worth asking if only to dig up the word "lectern", cause I had no idea what it was called)?

*Why did the android take Peri's cross from her?

*Loving the sofa designs on Karfel. All those pillows!

*The rescue of Peri by the rebels was dreadfully directed. They just walk in and take her away whilst waving a stick at the Morlox.

*Why does Herbert refer to the TARDIS as a "blue monolith"? Has the 12th century not heard of boxes?

*It kinda bugs me that we never found out how those rebels had a locket with Jo Grant's photo, but at the same time it's also kinda thrilling.

*Why does Peri say "that's familiar" in association with the warhead that the Bandrils want to fire on Karfel?

*I actually had to check whether David Chandler had played a character on Jeeves & Wooster, because his similarity to that series' characters was uncanny.

*"Microcephalic apostate" has defeated the "You are a classic example of the inverse ratio between the size of the mouth and the size of the brain." as the greatest insult of all time.

*What were all those crystals in the Timelash? Did I miss something? I thought it was just a time corridor.

*The Doctor's time delay device was really confusing. I'm not sure I entirely understand the logic of it.

*I wonder who owns that Third Doctor painting now, or if it even exists.

*Where did the Timelash even come from? Did the Borad invent it? What for, and why was the time corridor hooked to 12th century Scotland?

*The whole "oh by the by, I had a clone!" is pure, unfiltered, chicken-feathered padding.

*Originally, the previous incarnation to have visited Karfel was the First Doctor, with Susan, Ian and Barbara, hence why Tekker points out he only has one companion this time.

CONTINUITY ADVISOR

1) The Doctor visited Karfel "a regeneration or three back", and left behind a locket with Jo Grant's picture in it, that Peri inexplicably recognises. This could've easily been rewritten without this bizarre retroactive continuity, so I'd say it's very forced.

2) Peri's interest in botany is brought up again. It's kinda relevant, as she uses plantlife to defenx herself, but her skills are never brought into play, so... pointless.

3) Yet another really painful "these corridors look the same to me" from miss Brown. Urgh.

4) The Doctor tries to convince the Bandrils not to fire by using his authority as Lord President of Gallifrey, a title that was thrust on him in The Five Doctors. I guess it's not necessary per se, but it's neat that that's still a thing, so I'll give it a pass.

5) The Doctor mentions the Eye Of Orion as a potential vacation spot, only to be shot down by Peri. Getting to the Eye Of Orion was a bit of a recurring theme in Season 20. I guess The Five Doctors made it iconic, in a way?

6) Peri compares the Timelash to the Dalek time corridor from Resurrection Of The Daleks... even though she wasn't there. Now that's just crammed in here for no reason whatsoever.

BEST QUOTE

"Some of the most magical sights in the entire universe! Astral starbursts creating a myriad celestial bodies against a timeless royal blue backdrop." - The Doctor's description of Andromeda... and maybe the Eye Of Orion.

CONCLUSION

An entertaining, harmless mess of kooky ideas.