Dimensions In Time (1993) Review

"Gee, it'd be a real shame if something happened to make
me unavailable for location filming, yep, reaaaal shame!"

Ah, Dimensions In Time... I have so many questions.

WRITTEN BY

80s Doctor Who producer John-Nathan Turner and a man named David Roden, who later went on to become a script editor for other BBC and ITV shows, and also worked for the BBC drama department alongside RTD's Doctor Who production team in 2008. He also apparently contributed a short story to the Doctor Who novel The Story Of Martha.

PLOT

The Rani unveils her most dastardly plan yet - use genetic samples of every creature in the entire cosmos to take control of evolution in the entire universe. Before she can begin, however, she has to ensure that the Doctor will not interfere by cramming his entire timeline into three different time periods on Earth, Albert Square.

ANALYSIS

Just think... if only Children In Need hadn't intervened with their insane idea of a crossover with Eastenders, we could've had David Roden's original script Destination: Holocaust instead: a story where the Seventh Doctor and the Brigadier get derailed on a trip to a UNIT reunion and hole up in a burning church where they fight off legions of Cybermen.
I mean, it wouldn't be very... Children In Need-ish, but it might've been awesome!

Instead we have a checklist story, kind of like The Five Doctors, only without the expert hand of Terrance Dicks and a runtime of about 13 minutes.
So yeah, it's a shambles. I suppose the only thing to do is the one thing no reviewer of this story has ever done: try and make some sense of it.

WTF ACTUALLY HAPPENS IN DIMENSIONS IN TIME

(Facts will be highlighted)

The Rani has created a tunnel in time and space from whereever she is to Albert Square. Through an unspecified method, she has isolated the timelines of the Doctor's first seven incarnations and trapped them eternally in three time periods in Eastenders. Which basically results in various Doctors wandering around a market with various companions, constantly in a sort of state of flux.

Except the first two Doctors, because they're dead. Storyline-wise, they're "already captured", but what that means is never explained. Also, the Fourth Doctor is in some bizarre music video without the music. He uses some kind of microphone to broadcast a distress call, which nobody hears and is never mentioned after. And that's Tom Baker, signing off after 28 seconds!

Deviated from their original course, the Seventh Doctor and Ace land in 1973 Albert Square. Wait, what? I thought their timelines were taken there. Shouldn't all the other Doctors have TARDISes too, then? Anyway, for some reason maybe Eastenders fans are more aware of, the area is abandoned.

Then BAM! And we're in 1993 Albert Square, the place is full of people and Ace is now accompanied by the Sixth Doctor in his full clothes. So we're making it very clear that this is not a biological reversion: the Doctor's timeline has become unstable and he is skipping around different incarnations, but all of them retain their memories up until the Seventh. Got it?

Then another BAM! Now we're in 2013 Albert Square with the Third Doctor and Mel. Mel somehow retains Ace's memories enough not to be confused as to why she's not hanging out with Glitz anymore and somehow even recognises Jon Pertwee.

But then BAM! We're back in 1973, now with the Sixth Doctor and Susan, who doesn't recognise him(I guess Time Lords/Gallifreyans have a different reaction...?).  Also, Sixie being in 1973 now suggests that different Doctors are not isolated to different time zones. So it's a big, wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey mess now.

Another BAM! takes us to 2013, where Sarah Jane is chatting up some random chick from Eastenders. For some reason. She suggests they return to the TARDIS and escape, which returns me to my original question of why would the Rani not steal the Doctor's TARDIS immediately? Hello, obvious escape route!

Re-affirming my "Time Lords react differently" theory(which, now that I think about it, should also apply to the Doctor himself, so to hell with that), Sarah does actually remember that they're travelling through time zones.

In 1993, the Fifth Doctor claims that because they're from another time zone, the Eastenders folks can't recognise the danger they're in. Even though time travel in Doctor Who has never worked this way and they can clearly still see and hear the Doctor and co running about.

He also says that the TARDIS is on the other side of the river and "twenty years back", so we're confirming that there's only one TARDIS, in the 1973 zone. Oh yeah, and I also forgot to mention that for some insane reason, the Rani sends various examples of her menagerie of creatures to pester the Doctor(s), even though killing him should be pretty impossible given the timeline nonsense going on.

For an even more insane reason, the Doctor, realising that he can control the incarnation switcheroo, decides that he's better off as Jon Pertwee than Peter Davison(talk about your insecurity) and doesn't really do anything until Yates pops in and delivers him to the Brigadier's UNIT helicopter.

Somehow, despite the 1993 Albert Square folks not having a clue what's going on, contemporary UNIT does and has sent a helicopter to take the Doctor back to the TARDIS on the other side of the river even though that's in 1973. Also, why the Doctor couldn't just go back himself the way he came from is never explained.

Meanwhile, one of the companions, now in the form of Romana II, gets kidnapped by the Rani, even though she only needs a human to complete her menagerie of creatures from the entire cosmos. Why the hell she'd pick the one person who's currently in Time Lady form, not to mention temporally unstable as hell is beyond reasoning.

She also decides to move the time tunnel from space to 1993 Greenwich for kicks. The Seventh Doctor arrives to stop her and finds the missing companion(now Leela). Leela confirms that she does remember being Romana and that the Rani took a sample of her to clone her.

She also says that she was Romana when she got cloned(I guess she got that Earthling from elsewhere), leading the Doctor to assume that the cloned brains of two Time Ladies are operating the Rani's advanced computer. O-kaaaaaaay...

Using some random equipment, K-9(either he counts as a generic companion or the Doctor took another one out of a cardboard box) and the psychic energy of his combined incarnations(which really shouldn't work, given that... well, it's the same freaking guy and it's not like they're there together at the same time), the Doctor overloads the Rani's Time Brain x2 Clone Computer somehow and enhances the Time Tunnel, which sucks the Rani's TARDIS in.

Poor Rani. Doomed to be a background extra in Eastenders forevermore. If only she'd just fucking stolen the Doctor's TARDIS.

NOTES

*The title sequence for this is a thing of beauty.

*Why are the stars spinning around the Rani's TARDIS and the time tunnel at the start?

*Okay, seriously... what is with the floating heads?

*According to JNT, he asked Anthony Ainley to reprise his role as the Master for this, but he refused. Ainley completely denied this, and I believe him, given the guy's devotion for the role. In any case, Kate O'Mara basically plays a female Master in this anyway, hamming it up like there's no tomorrow. The icyness and scientific dedication of the Rani is a distant memory.

*I love that the Fourth Doctor tells his other incarnations to listen to him... for once. As if he's ever been around to be disagreed with! And what's with that "I can hear the heartsbeat of a killer...!" rubbish? When did he get so pretentious?

*I must say, Cyrian has some balls to tell the Rani not to get distracted.

*You gotta love how Ace doesn't give a toss that the lead actor has just changed, but wanders off to buy some clothes!

*What exactly does the Rani use so that she knows exactly what the Doctor and co know about the situation? Does she have secret cameras with special audio recording systems in three different time zones?

*Davison continues to phenomenally suck at the "when I say run, run.... RUN!" catchphrase. Peter... you have to put a bit of a pause between the last two runs, otherwise the phrase literally has no reason to exist.

*I do like Keff's incidental music. So dramatic.

*I love that Pertwee refers to the Rani as "madam".

*I want to know, what exactly was Liz planning to do when she stormed the Rani and her huge laser rifle? And how come the Rani didn't kill her, or Mandy?

*Surprisingly enough, Doctor Who would later introduce a device that enabled a Time Lord to control a population with genetic samples: the Immortality Gate, in that beloved classic The End Of Time.

*Now for the question everyone wants to know about a certain companion's wardrobe... since when does Romana dress like a 40-year old single mom?

BEST QUOTE

"Our existence is threatened by a renegade Time Lord known only as the Rani. She hates me. She even hates children!"

CONCLUSION