Planet Of The Spiders (1974) Review

I like to think this is when Jon Pertwee first saw Tom Baker.

Planet Of The Spiders is thematically Pertwee's strongest outing. I wouldn't go so far as to say it's the best, but it's certainly heartwarming to see that the team really did pull out all the stops for their finale. It has a very contemplative feel to it, tying together all the plot threads of its era and featuring complex characters like Tommy and Yates. 

PLOT

The spiders of Metebelis III come to Earth to find the blue crystal that the Doctor stole during his previous trip there. With his curiosity peaked, the Doctor pursues the mystery back to the Blue Planet, only to discover a colony of humans subjugated by the spiders. Meanwhile, the spiders' alliance with cultists from a Tibetan meditation centre threaten the life of Mike Yates and Sarah...

I hate to admit it, but when I really examine this story, it falls apart. It's like The Day Of The Doctor all over again. But Planet Of The Spiders isn't remembered for its' story, it's remembered for the regeneration(or maybe the neverending car chase in Part Two). Well, I didn't like Kan'po telling us how it's gonna be alright and nice(this really is like a Moffat story at times). And I'm not kidding. He threatens the fourth wall with that speech. It's that bad. Sarah Jane is also really melodramatic, but reliable old Pertwee saves us.

CHARACTERS

Jon Pertwee is fantastic here, simply fantastic. His terror towards the Great One's power over him was bound to scare kids out of their wits too. His final scene really shows him defeated and dying in a way that I think no other actor playing the Doctor has achieved before or since. I loved it.

Has anyone else notice that Sarah Jane seems to spend most of the season thinking that the Doctor's dead? There's even a double-take on it in this story. Also, her screaming and crying are becoming very Susan-like. Oh god no. Not Sarah.

As for the UNIT regulars, my opinion from their previous appearance stands. Benton is awesome, Yates got a great send-off and the Brigadier is a senile old pensioner. Don't get me wrong, Courtney can still act just fine, but the character is completely farcical now.

Funnily enough, a similar degeneration happens to the villain, Lupton(played by John Dearth in a far inferior performance to the BOSS). He starts out pretty smart and cool and ends up being an irrelevant ranting lunatic who just gets killed off ignominiously.

I thought Kan'po was kind of charming, even though he was far too similar to the Atlantean king from The Time Monster. I thought Cho-Je was really annoying, to be honest. His smile and nonsensical quotes drove me nuts.

Tommy is of course, legendary and a brilliant concept. A retard who is freed by the Metebelis crystal and becomes an intellectual(who can do Venusian Aikido, apparently).

The spiders were all realised far more realistically than could've been expected from the budget, so kudos there.

NOTES

*The Venusian Aikido has become so lame. It went from a paralysing neck hold(basically the Doctor's version of the Vulcan nerve pinch) to just rolling enemies through the air which somehow knocks them all out.

*What were Lupton and his associates doing anyway? They knew nothing of Metebelis III before starting their ritual, so what did they expect to happen, especially since some of them confessed to having come to the meditation centre for peaceful reasons.

*Metebelis III looks crap compared to its earlier appearance in The Green Death. Whatever happened to all the blue?

*How come that one crystal was perfect whilst all the others weren't?

*Did I miss the Doctor explaining why the Cave of Crystal was dangerous, becomes it seems to come out of nowhere?

*Is the Bowler Hat Time Lord from Terror Of The Autons related to Kan'po, by any chance?

*Why did Kan'po project his future self?

*Why exactly did the Doctor's cells need a little push? The Tenth Doctor seemed to do fine on his own and he definitely had more radiation to absorb.

*The Whomobile appeared almost as briefly here as in Invasion Of The Dinosaurs. It really was probably the dumbest idea the Pertwee era ever did.

*I loved the hovercraft though. I didn't even know those things could drive over land and people like that. Heck, I barely had any idea of what a hovercraft was before watching the Pertwee stories.

*The Doctor's knack for dressing color-coded continues here, where he proudly wears a blue bow-tie.

*What was that healing machine and what was that leather satchel it was in?

*Nice new TARDIS key, all alien style.

*One thing I never get in movies that have idiots become geniuses is how do they learn to read? I mean, how does advanced intelligence make you understand written symbols all of a sudden? Has it got something to do with enhanced memory?

*I almost forgot Jenny Laird. Dear God, she monologued every line.

*How did the Doctor get his hands on the BOSS's giant headset?

*What was the point of the cocoons? And why on Earth did the camera show directly that there was a protective mattress underneath?!

BEST QUOTE

"I got lost in the Time Vortex. The TARDIS brought me home."

CONCLUSION

The plot is a bit of a shambles, but it's great entertainment and a wonderful way to finish off the Pertwee era.